so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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