I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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