i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
