On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
