Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
