mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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