Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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