i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
