Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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