Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
