you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
