I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
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