with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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