when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
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