You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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