i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
