I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
