I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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