I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
