wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Randomize
