wakey wakey hands off snakey
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
