i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
