I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
