he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
