Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
