well I can't set my house on fire every night
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
