I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
