No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
