The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
