when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
