K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
