wat bout pragnant strippers??
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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