just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
BRING THE BAGELS
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
