I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
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