My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
