If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
