Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
