Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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