Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
