I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
