according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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