Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
