I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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