You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
