im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
