There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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