nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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