Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
