wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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