i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
