Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
