There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
