their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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