Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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