He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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