"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
