I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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